


So much worse

by Occidere



Category: Homestuck
Genre: Alcohol Abuse/Alcoholism, Humanstuck, Implied/Referenced Self-Harm, This is OLD but I dont want to delete it for myself, but listen, dont read it
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-11-16
Updated: 2013-11-16
Packaged: 2018-01-01 17:39:14
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 845
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1046661
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Occidere/pseuds/Occidere
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Gamzee messed up bad, but he was never the one to take the consequences. He deserved far worse then what he got. Dabble.<br/>Old work do not read unless you like shitty homestuck fic from 2013</p>
            </blockquote>





	So much worse

**Author's Note:**

> This is just a dabble I wrote a while back, it probably wont go anywhere to be honest, so yeah. Just wanted to get it up because I don't think it sucks too hard. Maaaybe a little. I don't know. Thats up for you guys to decide. Sorry its so short.

Gamzee stumbled hard down the sidewalk, a harsh laugh mulling in his chest as he slumped up against an ally way wall, looking up into the harsh city sky with narrowed eyes, ripped from their old child like wonder.

Not a single fucking star, no the air was far too corroded with smoke and decay for that, but could he really expect anything else? He swung the bottle up from where it hung limply in his grasp, pulling it to his lips and taking another hard swing, the sharp taste bringing bile to his throat and a wince to his features.

He pushed it back, as always, and took a second swing as if to prove it didn’t bother him anymore to an empty audience.

He had already drank far too much, but it didn’t really matter now did it? Its not like anyone was left to look for him if he were to die of alcohol poisoning, now was there?

He smiled with the realization sinking in, another bitter laugh rumbling up and through his cracked lips as he slowly let him self lean back and slouch against the wall, slowly sliding down to the ground with complete indifference to the glass, trash, and old cigarette stubs littered about it.

"Theres nobody motherfucking left." He shuttered under his breath, shaking his head with the ever present grin that he couldn’t seem to wipe off his motherfucking features no matter how hard he tried." Theres nobody fucking left" He screamed at the top of his lungs, throwing his near empty bottle with a few sips left in it, at most, across the way against the fire escape.

In an ideal world, it would have shattered. It would have provided a perfectly dramatic scene, but no. Instead fate decided to throw up a big fuck you and let it bounce off the rail, thudding indifferently to the ground and rolling a few inches from his feet.

It barely even lost a damn drop of the bitter liquid inside of it.

Gamzee threw his head back, slamming it hard enough into the brick wall to see the stars he could no longer view in the sky, but he just kept on grinning painfully, cracking his already chapped lips more and more.

"Karbro, if you’re up there I’m motherfucking sorry." He slurred painfully, voice sounding rough in his throat and clenching his eyes shut tight, imagining the others face. The rounded curves of his smiling flushed cheeks, the messy clumps of the most beautiful stark white hair that he never seemed willing to properly brush down no matter how messy it got.

"Sorry I crashed the motherfucking bike when you trusted me. Sorry I fucked up." He shook, biting down hard enough on the inside of his cheek to bleed, relishing in the pain it brought, his body screaming in protest. He should have died instead. He was the idiot that owned the motherfucking bike. Karkat didn’t even want to get on it in the first place.

"Tav, I’m so motherfucking sorry I fucked up with you too. You didn’t up and do a motherfucking thing wrong. Just in the wrong place at the wrong time." The drunk called out painfully, though even if there was an after life, tavros wouldn’t have heard him. No, you can’t call out to the living in an ally and expect them to hear. It was a stray bullet when Gamzee was fucking around with a gun he had swiped off his old man when they were 17. Tav had told him to stop, knock it off in case it wasn’t on safety like Gamzee had so stupidly assumed. Some one might get hurt, he had said. " But I wouldn’t motherfucking listen. I’m sorry about your legs brother."

He had crippled one of the sweetest people he had ever met in his motherfucking life and for what? Because he was too stupid to see if the safety was on. One shot to the spine was all it took.

Whenever the pain in Gamzees head began to numb from excruciating to a throbbing dizziness, he slammed his head back against the wall harder and harder then the time before. He deserved this.

No, he deserved a much worse penalty then a meer headache. He fucked up so bad, not a single friend was left that didn't want him dead, or that wasn’t dead their selves.

He just sat there for the longest time, shaking and slamming his head into the wall untill he became aware that he was crying.

There were tears rolling off his cheeks, seeping down the cracks of his smile. He could barely taste the salt of them in his mouth around the bitter taste of iron and alcohol already inhabiting his taste buds.

He deserved to much worse, but he was too much of a fucking coward to end it all. So instead, he reclaimed his bottle off the ground, and took the last mouthful, swallowing it down and relishing in the bitter taste.

He deserved so much worse.


End file.
